Saturday, April 01, 2006

Southern Digest

From Charlotte, North Carolina comes a case of three men arrested for, among other things, castrating willing, um, patients, in a dungeon. These and other fun acts were apparently depicted on a web site. Each man has been charged with five counts of "castration without malice" and five counts of "conspiracy to commit castration without malice." I'm not sure what I find more intriguing about this; that they were able to find six consenting "clients" to let them whack their nuts off, or that this problem is apparently so pervasive that North Carolina was prepared with a law making it illegal to "conspire to castrate without malice."

In the Senate yesterday, Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama, speaking out against a proposed censure of President Bush for ignoring the will of Congress and the Fourth Amendment, said, "let's don't play games with their lives," the "their" referring to our soldiers and diplomats. Setting aside the absurd notion that requiring the President to follow the laws of our country somehow endangers our diplomats and soldiers, let's break that sentence down, separating the contractions. Hmmm, pull out the apostraphes, add a "u" here, take apart the "o" and the "n," throw another "o" in there. What do we have? "Let us do not play games with their lives." Sweet bicycling Jesus! Here's a suggestion for the voters of Alabama: next time could you send us somebody who's literate? These are the people, no doubt, who complain of illegal immigrants that "they don't even bother to learn the language." Cracker ass crackers!
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